Talking to children about preparedness – without causing fear

Children take strong cues from the mood of the adults around them. When parents talk about something calmly and matter-of-factly, children conclude: this is something people can deal with. Vague hints, worried looks and half-heard conversations, on the other hand, leave room for imagination, and children's imagination likes to fill gaps with frightening pictures.

Honest, simple information and concrete tasks give children two things: the feeling of understanding what is going on, and the feeling of being able to do something themselves. Both work against fear. What you practise becomes familiar, and what is familiar loses its scariness – that applies to the smoke alarm test just as much as to the route to the meeting point.

Psychological guides such as Psychological First Aid stress that children draw security above all from calm, reliable caregivers. So you do not need to know all the answers. Much more important is that you are there and listen.

Choose a calm moment – not right after worrying news and not just before bedtime, but for example while out walking, cooking or playing. Conversations held in passing often feel easier for children than a “We need to talk” at the kitchen table.

Ask first instead of giving a lecture: “What do you already know about power cuts?” or “Have you heard anything about fires at school?” That way you find out what the child already knows, what they have misunderstood and what is on their mind. Then you can respond to exactly that.

Explain briefly and honestly what can happen, and stress who takes care of it: the parents, the fire service, doctors, police and many other helpers. Leave out frightening details the child does not need. And then move quickly to doing: what can we do as a family?

Young children mainly need simple, fixed rules and play. Picture books, role play with soft toys and short sayings such as “When the smoke alarm beeps, we go outside” work well. A kindergarten child does not need abstract explanations of what causes disasters.

School-age children often want to know more exactly how something works. They can already take on real tasks: pack their own go bag, check torches, practise the emergency call or help choose the meeting point. Older children and teenagers can be given more background and responsibility and help shape the family plan – there is a separate entry on that.

Pay attention to news images. Pictures of disasters that a child sees alone and without explanation can stay with them for a long time. Watch the news together instead, explain what is being shown, and limit how much of it enters everyday life.

It is normal for children to have a few questions or to be a little unsettled after a conversation about emergencies. Welcome questions at any time, even days later, and ask now and then how the child feels about the topic. Talking briefly and often is better than once and at length.

But if a child shows great fear for weeks, sleeps badly, withdraws or the topic weighs heavily on them in everyday life, talk to the paediatrician or a counselling service. That is not a failure, but exactly the right step. This entry does not replace psychological advice.

Avoid “motivating” children with frightening scenarios, and do not pass on your own fear unfiltered. If a topic worries you strongly yourself, first inform yourself well and talk it over with other adults before you talk to the children.