Helping children with their fears in a crisis

Children often cannot yet judge dangers on their own. They read from adults' faces, voices and movements how serious the situation is. A tense, frantic adult passes on their unrest – an adult who speaks and acts calmly gives something to hold on to. So steadying yourself first is not a side issue but the first step in helping the child.

Uncertainty often frightens children more than the truth. A child who gets no explanation fills the gaps with imagination – and that is sometimes more terrible than reality. Children also sometimes think they are to blame for what has happened. A simple, honest explanation lifts that burden from them.

Familiar routines such as mealtimes or the bedtime story show the child: some things are still the same as always. Play, drawing and movement help children process what they have experienced in their own way. Small tasks give them the feeling of being able to help instead of just watching helplessly.

Speak in short sentences that suit the child's age. For a nursery-age child it is often enough to say: “The power has gone. That's why the light doesn't work. We have torches and we're staying together.” Older children want to know more and may learn more. Always also say what the adults are doing to keep everyone safe.

Answer questions honestly, even when they are repeated – repetition helps children understand things. “I don't know yet” is a good, honest answer. But don't make promises you may not be able to keep, such as “Tomorrow everything will be fine again”. If such a promise breaks, the child loses trust.

Allow feelings. Say, for example: “That was really frightening. It's okay to be scared.” Don't laugh at the fear or play it down. Teenagers want to be taken seriously: inform them openly, involve them in decisions and give them responsible tasks.

After distressing events many children react with behaviour that seemed “outgrown”: they cling, don't want to sleep alone, wet the bed again or talk like younger children. Others have nightmares or tummy aches, become irritable, angry or very quiet. All of this is common and usually an understandable reaction to something extraordinary.

Respond patiently and don't punish such setbacks. A child who clings is looking for safety – the best answer is closeness. With teenagers it is worth watching for withdrawal, risky behaviour or the use of alcohol or drugs.

Many children recover well after crises when they feel safe, connected and taken seriously. But if strong reactions persist for weeks, get worse, or a child talks about hurting themselves, professional help is important – for example via the paediatrician or a parenting or family counselling service.

Avoid separating children from their caregivers wherever possible. During evacuations and in shelters, small children should carry their parents' names and contact details, for example on a note in their jacket pocket. Agree a meeting point with older children in advance in case you do get separated.

Shield children from distressing sights and sounds. Constant images of disasters on TV or social media can frighten them further. Limit media use and, if you watch the news at all, watch together and put it into context. Children also shouldn't overhear adults' conversations about fears and terrible news.

If a child or an adult talks about taking their own life or harming themselves, endangers others or loses control completely: immediately call the local emergency number (112 in the EU) or a local crisis line and do not leave the person alone.

Being there for children in a crisis is very demanding – especially when you are afraid yourself and sleeping little. Parents who ignore their own exhaustion eventually run out of patience. Breaks, sleep, food and a conversation with another adult are therefore not selfish but a prerequisite for caring well for the children.

Pack comfort items such as a cuddly toy, a small game or drawing things into the go bag in advance. A familiar soft toy in a strange emergency shelter can mean a great deal to a small child.

The WHO psychological first-aid guide and the guide of the US National Child Traumatic Stress Network have dedicated sections on children. Their core points agree: keep children with their caregivers, shield them from distressing sights, listen, explain simply and keep routines.