A family code word for pick-ups and emergencies

A code word is a shared secret, and shared secrets are one of the oldest ways of checking whether someone really belongs. The advantage: it needs no phone, no ID and no technology. A child only has to ask a question and listen to an answer. That works under stress, in the rain or when all mobile networks are overloaded.

The word should be easy to remember but impossible for strangers to guess. Unsuitable are the pet's name, the street, the favourite football club or anything someone could find on social media. Unusual pairs of words that make a picture for children work well, for example two things that do not belong together. A picture in your head sticks better than an abstract word.

The code word is an extra safeguard for the child, not a permission for the institution. Schools and childcare centres release children only to people registered in writing as authorised to collect them. So both belong together: the written authorisation for the institution and the word for the child.

Only the parents, the children and the people who are also named in writing as pick-up persons learn the word – in person, not by message. The more people know it, the less it protects. Do not write it on the emergency card in the backpack, because whoever finds the card would then also have the word.

A code word is “used up” once it has been used. If an outsider has used it once, or you suspect it has become known, agree a new one. This is not mistrust of the person, simply a rule, like a password you change after an incident.

The most important thing for the child is the clear rule behind it: if someone does not know the word, I do not go with them. Many children have learned to obey adults and feel obliged to go along. Tell your child explicitly that they may say “no” and stay with the teacher – and that they will never get into trouble for it.

Children learn rules like this best through play. You can do a short role play: a parent plays a stranger and says “your mum sent me, come quickly!”. The child practises calmly asking for the word. Then play the version where the word is wrong or the person dodges the question: what do you do now? You go to the teacher or another safe person.

Do not practise just once. A short check every few months is enough – for example at breakfast: “Do you still remember our word?” Make sure the game does not become scary. The point is not to make the child afraid of strangers, but for the child to know one simple rule well.

Very young children often cannot yet remember a code word reliably. For them you rely entirely on the arrangements with the childcare centre and on the staff knowing the pick-up persons.

A family word does not only help with pick-ups. There are scams in which someone calls or writes, pretends to be a relative, claims an emergency and asks for money or personal details. If the family has agreed that the word is asked for in real emergencies, you have a simple way of checking such calls.

Regardless of the word: with such calls, hang up and call the person back on their known number. A code word does not protect against every form of fraud, but it is an extra obstacle for people who work with time pressure and emotions.

Family emergency plans as described by Ready.gov and the German BBK set out pick-up arrangements, meeting points and contacts in advance. The code word is a common, simple addition – free, without technology and quick to introduce.

Who may collect a child is governed by the school, the childcare centre and the applicable rules, not by the code word. So it is best to check at the start of each school or childcare year whether the registered pick-up persons are still correct.